


With Love

by wynnebat



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Epistolary, F/M, Humor, Post-Divorce
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-08
Updated: 2012-01-08
Packaged: 2018-02-21 03:34:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2453204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wynnebat/pseuds/wynnebat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James Potter thinks Snivellus Snape has some nerve, trying to steal away James' ex-wife!</p>
            </blockquote>





	With Love

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [Dirty Harry Potter Pick-Up Lines Competition](https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/44309/54127779/1/).

Dear Mum,

Hogwarts is alright. The classes are kind of boring and can you believe we aren't allowed to use fire spells? Proff McGonagall says we might burn other stuff by accident, and wouldn't let me do them even when I promised to use a containing spell! But I can still practice the fire dragon spell at home over Christmas... right?

Potions was pretty cool, I can see why it was your favorite class! Professor Snape was kind of intimidating, but he was really nice to me afterwards. I even got five points for setting my cauldron up correctly!

How are you? How's Pinky? Is he still alive?

P.S. The owl Dad got me is kind of lazy, so I don't know when this'll get to you. Could you ask the pet shop what's wrong with it? It doesn't eat owl food, doesn't like to fly around, and never visits me in the tower.

Love, hugs,

Harry

x

Dear Dad,

Hogwarts is cool! I'm having a lot of fun pranking the Slytherins. (Don't tell Mum.) Ron and I are in the most awesome House in the world: Gryffindor!

And Transfiguration sucks. I don't know why you liked it. We're doing boring stuff, not like the spells Mum does at home...

Love and hugs,

Harry

x

Dear Harry,

I'm glad you like Hogwarts! My first week of school I was very homesick, so I hope it isn't the same for you. Either way, I promise to send letters at least twice a week. I'm doing well; Remus has been visiting a lot, but it just isn't the same without you here. The house is actually clean and silent for once, but I'm too worried about you to appreciate it. Are you okay at Hogwarts? Are you making new friends? You're not being bullied, are you?

Potions is your favorite class? Well, I'm glad Professor Snape is fairer than Professor Slughorn, at least. What do you like about it? Do you like your Professor? How is he, by the way?

Pinky hasn't died yet, so don't get your hopes up for a new pet.

Study hard!

Love,

Mum

P.S. I owled James to take care of your owl problems.

x

Dear Mum,

I lost my Potions book! Can you order me a new one? Professor Snape gave me one from the books cupboard (it's written all over by some guy who calls himself the Half Blood Prince, weird, huh?), but I'd rather have a new one.

Sorry?

Harry

x

Dear Professor Snape,

Thank you for giving my son an extra Potions book. I promise he will have a new one next class.

Sincerely,

Lily Potter

x

Dear Ms. Potter,

It was no problem. I have an entire cupboard of books for this reason.

It pleases me that your son has such an interest in Potions. Perhaps your son would like to pursue a Mastery in the field? It is never too early to begin working towards one. In fact, I believe you yourself have a Mastery in Potions.

Sincerely,

Severus Snape

x

Dear Professor Snape,

I do in fact have a Mastery in Potions, but I'm trying not to influence my son's decisions for his future. That is the job of his teachers, I believe. In fact, I had no idea he might have talent in Potions. He's always preferred Transfiguration, as far as I can tell.

I hope you do not let our past prevent you from teaching my son. Harry thinks well of you.

Sincerely,

Lily Potter

x

Dear Lily Potter,

I would never let the actions of a student's parent prevent me from teaching the student fairly. Harry is a good student and takes after you in many ways.

You are not at fault in any way for the collapse of our friendship. I have long since regretted my actions. I was young and stupid, but that is no excuse. I sincerely apologize, Lily Potter.

Severus Snape

x

Dear Dad,

Now that Mum and Professor Snape are friends, should I get him a Christmas gift? What do old men like for Christmas?

Love,

Harry

x

Dearest Lily,

YOU'RE FRIENDS WITH SNIVELLUS AGAIN? He's a DEATH EATER!

Much love,

James

P.S. He doesn't shower and doesn't brush his teeth and doesn't use deodorant and doesn't wash his hair. Do you really want to be his friend?

x

James,

Severus provides me with intelligent conversation about a subject I love: Potions. And as of five years ago, my private life is none of your business.

Lily

x

Snivellus the Death Eater Bastard,

Get your grubby paws away from my wife!

James Potter, Head Auror

x

Mr. Potter,

I was unaware you remarried, Mr Potter. Should I offer you congratulations?

Professor Severus Snape, Esteemed Potions Master at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

x

Dear Professor Snape,

Here's a card from Mum and me.

Happy Christmas!

Harry James Potter

x

Severus,

You shouldn't have gotten me such an expensive Christmas present! Honestly, I would return all these ingredients if I thought you would accept them. Except maybe the basilisk skin. Where did you get in such fine condition? Fresh, too?

Lily

x

Lily,

A potioneer never reveals his sources. But if you're interested, we could meet at Hogsmeade one weekend to discuss Potions. It's been too long since I've had someone so interested and experienced in Potions to speak with.

Severus

x

Dear Dad,

Professor Snape is awesome! Mum's inviting him over for dinner next week when I'll be at Ron's. I don't know why you want me to tell you whenever they make plans to meet, but Mum'll be really angry when she finds out. Can I stop now?

Love, kinda

Harry

x

Dearest Lily,

I haven't seen you in so long! I've been too busy with Auror stuff. What do you say to dinner next week? Say, Wednesday?

Love,

James

x

James,

We saw each other two days ago at Frank and Alice's party. But if you want to meet up, let's have lunch together on Thursday.

Lily

x

Remus,

Tell James he's smothering me in attention again.

Lily

x

Remus,

Lily's leaving me again! For Snivellus! Help me get her back!

James

x

Lily, James,

I'm taking a vacation to the Americas to keep from getting caught up in your ex-marital problems again.

Remus

x

Lily,

Would you like to reschedule our dinner meeting? I'm not sure why you didn't appear, but perhaps you could send me an owl next time?

Severus

x

Severus,

I'm so sorry! I had some issues that I needed to take care of. Would you like to have dinner this Friday instead?

Lily

x

Sirius,

Lily's kind of angry at me. I still can't feel my legs. Maybe I shouldn't have visited her before her date with Snivellus...

James

x

Lily,

I look forward to seeing you this Friday. Being without you is like being afflicted with the Cruciatus Curse. I've missed you very much.

Severus

x

Severus,

Are you reusing James' bad pickup lines on me?

Lily

x

James,

I went to visit Lily on Friday. MY POOR EYES. Snivellus dressed up and brought flowers.

Sirius

x

James,

If you don't stop sending Sirius to spy on me, I'll send in a restraining order against you.

Lily

x

Lily,

I sincerely apologize. I have no idea what came over me.

Severus

x

Dear Mum,

Finals went fine, I think. Professor Snape's extra study sessions helped a lot. I don't know why some people don't like him; he's awesome! Are you guys going to get married? That's what Dad says.

And I might have gotten a few detentions for accidentally lighting the Gryffindor common room on fire. No big deal.

Now that Pinkie's finally dead, can I have a new pet? A cool one? A Kneazle?

Love,

Harry

x

Dear Harry,

Maybe. We'll see. Are you alright with my relationship with Severus? I'll talk to you about it when you get home. I promise I'll still love you very much even if I do remarry. I'll be waiting for you as King's Cross Station, but without your father this time.

How many detentions is a few? Don't worry about having to tell me, I'll just owl Professor McGonagall.

With love,

Lily

x

Head Auror,

I would like to formally enact a magically binding restraining order against one James Potter. I have had enough of his stalking.

Sincerely,

Lily Evans

P.S. In case my letter somehow gets lost, I have sent a copy to Auror Frank Longbottom.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Complete; no sequel planned.


End file.
